So last night the peace and tranquility of the campsite was shattered by caravans and RV's rolling in, mainly for 'York Fest'.
If you ever needed to be shown how wasteful Americans can be - here goes:
Whilst sitting on the bench, stoking and tending to my modest, yet wonderfully hot fire (see Fire Making 101 to build your own!); I looked around.
At one site, featuring an old couple, the man pulled in on his wee 4X4 dragging a whole tree, yes a whole tree, behind him. He proceeded to chop it into pieces with a loud obnoxious chainsaw and throw it onto a giant, not very hot, flaming mess of a fire.
On the next site within my view there was a family with a unnecessarily large RV running a generator for what seems like no apparent reason. My thought is: if you are camping and you need a generator going for hours at a time, you have way too much shit you really don't need.
On the third site, a large family of fat people, with TWO large caravans, decided to leave a propane lamp burning until 3 in the morning - after going to bed at 9 o'clock. It wasn't a small lamp either. 30 odd feet away, I could see everything in front of me better than a full moon burning. Now, maybe their fat children were scared of the dark, and needed to see where their fat little legs were going in the middle of the night; but isn't that why we invented flashlights?!
Three examples, all on one night. A massive, pointless waste of resources that are too few, and are fast running out. I don't quite know at what point camping became a luxury based activity. People need to think more about what they take with them and how much of it they REALLY need to take. If you need a generator going to power the air-con in your over-sized RV; get a smaller fucking RV, and go somewhere not so fucking hot. You never need to go off and chop down a whole fucking tree to burn on a fire that's really not gonna keep you warm (cos it's a wet, live tree you're burning!) Go into the forest, look around a bit more, and you'll see... lots of FALLEN trees already on the floor! Take an AXE, not a fucking chainsaw, and hack pieces off that tree for your fire. It might actually burn better! And you won't need so fucking much wood. I admire people trying to get their fat children out of the house and away from the TV, out into the REAL world; but don't let them sleep in a giant big caravan with the same life they're accustomed to at home - stick them in a tent (they won't die) and hike their fat little asses all over the beautiful country you have decided to camp in the middle of.
I would like to apologize if my language is a little strong/harsh in this blog, but this is something I care about, something that actually matters. If people keep wasting EVERYTHING, then their won't be anything left for future generations to appreciate; when they actually WANT to go out and appreciate it. I would greatly welcome any and all thoughts you may have on this topic. Thank you.
Sep 12, 2009
YorkFest
I wake up at 6:30 in the morning. It is damn cold. Last night I got my clothes together: a blue flowing skirt, a tight gray t-shirt, a long black sweater, sandals, silver bracelets, dangling earrings and a green and black checked scarf. Alex makes coffee; I make bacon and eggs. We get in the car and drive to York, the nearest small town to our Vigilante Campsite in Montana. The sun is just peaking over the hills and lighting up the small plots of land along the road. Here is a field of hay, recently cut. There is a beautiful white house shaded by willows; near the house is a restored Montana Freight train.
"Do you know that most of these houses have a golf hole on them?" Alex asks.
"No, I didn't."
"Yeah, when you went up to the firehouse yesterday the owner of the bar told me that they play a round of golf on all of them. I think it's happening today, maybe tomorrow. They just drive from house to house playing the holes."
"How cool!"
We get into town and when I say town I mean to the intersection of the main road with a dirt road that has on its corners a bar and a park. "Did you know that the guy the park is named after died last month?"
"No."
"Yeah he left here awhile ago and went to California and made millions of dollars. When he came back he gave the extra money away to the community. It was his money that built the park, and fixed up the schools and helped a lot of people out."
"Wow!"
"Well, I guess every town has one."
"That reminds me of my grandfather, I wonder who'll replace them."
In the park, people are setting up for YorkFest, a yearly festival whose highlights are a duck race, silent and live auction and Bratwurst! Get your Bratwurst! I know you want one!
When we got there, at about 8:30 in the morning, I found Naomi. "Let me get you your papers."
"So, where would you like me to set up?"
"Oh, wherever ya like. You could take the gazebo if you want or one of the picnic tables."
"Okay, I'll look around and then I'll bring you back the paper."
Alex and I bring my stuff to a picnic table near the entrance, bratwurst lady and YorkFest T-shirt selling table. I look at the paper and see that I need to donate $20 to the fire department in order to set up. "I hope I make back the 20" I say to Alex as I fill out the paper.
Company Name: (Crap what do I write) Elliott Enterprises
Address: Big Sur, Ca (?)
Service Rendered: Tarot Card Reading (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I give Naomi the money, Alex leaves to go back to camp and I set up my table. I duct tape the Tarot Reading sign, that I made last night on the back of a Pabst box, to the front of my table. On the right-hand side of the table I lay out the various "hippie" books that I have: one on tarot reading, the one on past lives that I bought in Portland, and two aromatherapy books. In the middle I lay out the rectangular green and black scarf; on top of this I place my tarot cards.
Then I set to work writing down some information about the readings I'm going to offer, random things I'm going to put on the table, and a short description of what a Tarot deck is. The readings are a simple 6 card spread for $3, a middle 10 card spread for $5 and a 24 card yearlong spread for $7. The simple and middle spreads are for answering specific questions: the first giving limited information, the second giving in depth information. The things on the table that I explain are aromatherapy, the healing properties of a few stones that I have (celestite, crysacolla and jade), and my pendulum. My description of the cards explains the different suits, the governance of astrological signs on the cards, the combination of many different religions' symbols and how I relate
the cards to each other to explain them to the enquirer. These explanations I put to the left of the scarf along with the stones, pendulum and aromatherapy oils I've mixed together in the past: things for sore throats, coughs, muscle pains, depression and a few perfumes.
Then I sit and shuffle the cards, turn them around so that none are upside down and wait for a customer. The people start trickling in at about 10. I say hello to everyone: some of them give me a dismissive hi, some ask how my morning is going but all pass on. I decide to order the cards by suit; in the middle of doing this an older man walks up to the table with his wife and son. He wants me to read his year. During the next few hours I get about 10 people, most wanting me to read about their upcoming year because they can't think of a good question. They are mostly women in their 40s. A lot of them are going through divorces. I have three children, each ones reading is very accurate according to their parents.
After the other stands close up I have a line of 10 people waiting for a reading. Alex keeps them all interested and talking: one is a young mother from Helena who asks me to make some medicine for her. She doesn't have health insurance and she's had a cold for months. I make an oil for her to rub on her face and neck that I really hope helps her heal. There is also an attorney from Helena who has a pet chicken and wants to know what will happen with his work in the next few months. Three of the important women from the town, one of which is going
through a terrible divorce all want to know about their upcoming year. They tell Alex and I that we should take some Bratwurst for free since there's extra.
(Everyone was exceedingly kind. Some were desperate, some were skeptical but most were just curious. They'd all avoided tarot readers because they seemed like scary people or because it was just too expensive.)
When I'm doing my last reading Naomi tells Alex that people want to buy us drinks at the bar and that I can set up down there if I want to read some more. Alex and I pack up all my stuff and head to York Bar, home of the best cheeseburgers in Montana; I don't know what they do to them but they're amazing! A band is playing good rock music on a stage in back of the bar. We walk in and the bar, which used to be a post office, then a store, then a restaurant, and it's filling with people, local people being as all the people from Helena have left by now. As we're ordering Fat Tires, Bob whose family has been in York since the late 1800's, starts up a conversation with Alex and I.
"So how'd your readings go? I hear you'wer the most popular table!"
"They went really well" I say, "I think they made sense to most of 'em."
"Well good!"
"So which house is yours?" I ask.
"The last one before you get down d'the campsite."
"Are those your cows? The black ones?"
"Oh yeah, I've got 40 cows out there but they're knockin' down my fence- I just cut al'la hay 'n they're real anxious d'get down there d'the other field."
He talks about the cows and the fence posts and his other property down the road for a bit and Alex asks, "So, do you know anyone around who could use some help?"
"Well, whatdya know how t'do?"
"I do everything except electrical."
He thinks for a moment or two, "Well I've got a cabin that I wanna get finished b'fore the winter."
"I was thinking that people might have things they hadn't gotten done."
"Well I can take you on for about a month, maybe six weeks. I wouldn't pay ya that much."
Alex looks at me, and I say, "Oh we wouldn't ask for much, just $20 a day and some lunch would be good."
"Oh!" he says knowing that's too low, "I was thinking more like eight dollars an hour."
"That'd be fine" I say.
"And I've got a trailer down in Helena that my son could bring up. You could sleep in that, might be nicer'n a tent."
"So should I come see you on Monday?" asks Alex.
"Well, why don't I come up to the camp tomorrow and I'll find you guys."
"Sounds good."
"You don't need anything now do you?"
At the same time we say, "Oh no! We're fine."
"Oh yea, you've made all that money reading the cards" he smiles to me.
Some of his friends show up about then and we stay on and talk for a bit then we go outside to smoke. Out there we meet Danny who's moved to Montana after 20 years of trying to get here. He's in his 30s, owns 40 acres out by the Missouri River and works out at the Blue Gem Mine, mining sapphires. Somehow I get myself signed up for the wet t-shirt contest that's happening at 9:00 so I go back to the car and put on a little black skirt that just shows from under the big white YorkFest shirt they've given me.
When I get back to the bar it's filled with more people. I meet the people Danny works for: a tall thin man and a woman also tall and thin with long white hair. The man shows me some of the raw sapphires that he's carrying in his pocket and also a little bit of gold that they've found. "So how did you decide to mine sapphires," I ask.
"Well" he says, "I mined so much gold that it lost its shine. But sapphires are amazing, they come in all different colors. Do you know that a ruby is a sapphire that's in the shade of red?"
"I didn't know that. The ruby's my birthstone."
Sometime between meeting them and me doing more tarot reading, is the wet t-shit contenst. (Sadly I didn't win: I think my boobs were just too small. The winners were an Asian woman with fake boobs, Naomi who I think totally deserved to win after all her hard work, and a younger girl with a piercing.)
After that, a few women want their cards read, and I shouldn't do it cuz I'm drinking but I do anyway. I read for the white-haired woman and afterward she askes if I might like to come up to the mine sometime next week. I tell her that I'd love to come on Tuesday. Tuesday is fine with her. I read for some of the other ladies and then I start getting really cold because I'm still wet and Alex and I decide its time to go back to camp and sleep.
All in all it was a productive day. I made us about $120, Alex got a potential job and I got an invitation to go to the sapphire mine.
"Do you know that most of these houses have a golf hole on them?" Alex asks.
"No, I didn't."
"Yeah, when you went up to the firehouse yesterday the owner of the bar told me that they play a round of golf on all of them. I think it's happening today, maybe tomorrow. They just drive from house to house playing the holes."
"How cool!"
We get into town and when I say town I mean to the intersection of the main road with a dirt road that has on its corners a bar and a park. "Did you know that the guy the park is named after died last month?"
"No."
"Yeah he left here awhile ago and went to California and made millions of dollars. When he came back he gave the extra money away to the community. It was his money that built the park, and fixed up the schools and helped a lot of people out."
"Wow!"
"Well, I guess every town has one."
"That reminds me of my grandfather, I wonder who'll replace them."
In the park, people are setting up for YorkFest, a yearly festival whose highlights are a duck race, silent and live auction and Bratwurst! Get your Bratwurst! I know you want one!
When we got there, at about 8:30 in the morning, I found Naomi. "Let me get you your papers."
"So, where would you like me to set up?"
"Oh, wherever ya like. You could take the gazebo if you want or one of the picnic tables."
"Okay, I'll look around and then I'll bring you back the paper."
Alex and I bring my stuff to a picnic table near the entrance, bratwurst lady and YorkFest T-shirt selling table. I look at the paper and see that I need to donate $20 to the fire department in order to set up. "I hope I make back the 20" I say to Alex as I fill out the paper.
Company Name: (Crap what do I write) Elliott Enterprises
Address: Big Sur, Ca (?)
Service Rendered: Tarot Card Reading (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I give Naomi the money, Alex leaves to go back to camp and I set up my table. I duct tape the Tarot Reading sign, that I made last night on the back of a Pabst box, to the front of my table. On the right-hand side of the table I lay out the various "hippie" books that I have: one on tarot reading, the one on past lives that I bought in Portland, and two aromatherapy books. In the middle I lay out the rectangular green and black scarf; on top of this I place my tarot cards.
Then I set to work writing down some information about the readings I'm going to offer, random things I'm going to put on the table, and a short description of what a Tarot deck is. The readings are a simple 6 card spread for $3, a middle 10 card spread for $5 and a 24 card yearlong spread for $7. The simple and middle spreads are for answering specific questions: the first giving limited information, the second giving in depth information. The things on the table that I explain are aromatherapy, the healing properties of a few stones that I have (celestite, crysacolla and jade), and my pendulum. My description of the cards explains the different suits, the governance of astrological signs on the cards, the combination of many different religions' symbols and how I relate
the cards to each other to explain them to the enquirer. These explanations I put to the left of the scarf along with the stones, pendulum and aromatherapy oils I've mixed together in the past: things for sore throats, coughs, muscle pains, depression and a few perfumes.Then I sit and shuffle the cards, turn them around so that none are upside down and wait for a customer. The people start trickling in at about 10. I say hello to everyone: some of them give me a dismissive hi, some ask how my morning is going but all pass on. I decide to order the cards by suit; in the middle of doing this an older man walks up to the table with his wife and son. He wants me to read his year. During the next few hours I get about 10 people, most wanting me to read about their upcoming year because they can't think of a good question. They are mostly women in their 40s. A lot of them are going through divorces. I have three children, each ones reading is very accurate according to their parents.
After the other stands close up I have a line of 10 people waiting for a reading. Alex keeps them all interested and talking: one is a young mother from Helena who asks me to make some medicine for her. She doesn't have health insurance and she's had a cold for months. I make an oil for her to rub on her face and neck that I really hope helps her heal. There is also an attorney from Helena who has a pet chicken and wants to know what will happen with his work in the next few months. Three of the important women from the town, one of which is going
through a terrible divorce all want to know about their upcoming year. They tell Alex and I that we should take some Bratwurst for free since there's extra.(Everyone was exceedingly kind. Some were desperate, some were skeptical but most were just curious. They'd all avoided tarot readers because they seemed like scary people or because it was just too expensive.)
When I'm doing my last reading Naomi tells Alex that people want to buy us drinks at the bar and that I can set up down there if I want to read some more. Alex and I pack up all my stuff and head to York Bar, home of the best cheeseburgers in Montana; I don't know what they do to them but they're amazing! A band is playing good rock music on a stage in back of the bar. We walk in and the bar, which used to be a post office, then a store, then a restaurant, and it's filling with people, local people being as all the people from Helena have left by now. As we're ordering Fat Tires, Bob whose family has been in York since the late 1800's, starts up a conversation with Alex and I.
"So how'd your readings go? I hear you'wer the most popular table!"
"They went really well" I say, "I think they made sense to most of 'em."
"Well good!"
"So which house is yours?" I ask.
"The last one before you get down d'the campsite."
"Are those your cows? The black ones?"
"Oh yeah, I've got 40 cows out there but they're knockin' down my fence- I just cut al'la hay 'n they're real anxious d'get down there d'the other field."
He talks about the cows and the fence posts and his other property down the road for a bit and Alex asks, "So, do you know anyone around who could use some help?"
"Well, whatdya know how t'do?"
"I do everything except electrical."
He thinks for a moment or two, "Well I've got a cabin that I wanna get finished b'fore the winter."
"I was thinking that people might have things they hadn't gotten done."
"Well I can take you on for about a month, maybe six weeks. I wouldn't pay ya that much."
Alex looks at me, and I say, "Oh we wouldn't ask for much, just $20 a day and some lunch would be good."
"Oh!" he says knowing that's too low, "I was thinking more like eight dollars an hour."
"That'd be fine" I say.
"And I've got a trailer down in Helena that my son could bring up. You could sleep in that, might be nicer'n a tent."
"So should I come see you on Monday?" asks Alex.
"Well, why don't I come up to the camp tomorrow and I'll find you guys."
"Sounds good."
"You don't need anything now do you?"
At the same time we say, "Oh no! We're fine."
"Oh yea, you've made all that money reading the cards" he smiles to me.
Some of his friends show up about then and we stay on and talk for a bit then we go outside to smoke. Out there we meet Danny who's moved to Montana after 20 years of trying to get here. He's in his 30s, owns 40 acres out by the Missouri River and works out at the Blue Gem Mine, mining sapphires. Somehow I get myself signed up for the wet t-shirt contest that's happening at 9:00 so I go back to the car and put on a little black skirt that just shows from under the big white YorkFest shirt they've given me.
When I get back to the bar it's filled with more people. I meet the people Danny works for: a tall thin man and a woman also tall and thin with long white hair. The man shows me some of the raw sapphires that he's carrying in his pocket and also a little bit of gold that they've found. "So how did you decide to mine sapphires," I ask.
"Well" he says, "I mined so much gold that it lost its shine. But sapphires are amazing, they come in all different colors. Do you know that a ruby is a sapphire that's in the shade of red?"
"I didn't know that. The ruby's my birthstone."
Sometime between meeting them and me doing more tarot reading, is the wet t-shit contenst. (Sadly I didn't win: I think my boobs were just too small. The winners were an Asian woman with fake boobs, Naomi who I think totally deserved to win after all her hard work, and a younger girl with a piercing.)
After that, a few women want their cards read, and I shouldn't do it cuz I'm drinking but I do anyway. I read for the white-haired woman and afterward she askes if I might like to come up to the mine sometime next week. I tell her that I'd love to come on Tuesday. Tuesday is fine with her. I read for some of the other ladies and then I start getting really cold because I'm still wet and Alex and I decide its time to go back to camp and sleep.
All in all it was a productive day. I made us about $120, Alex got a potential job and I got an invitation to go to the sapphire mine.
Sep 10, 2009
Candice-ism September 10th
This country's awesome! There's water everywhere! And, once you get out of California, you can actually drink it!
Followed closely by:
I wish I could've seen California when the water was clear and the ocean was clean.......
Followed closely by:
I wish I could've seen California when the water was clear and the ocean was clean.......
Fire Making 101
Fire Building:
Contrary to popular belief, even a stupid person can make a fire in the wild - just look at California, every year stupid people cost the state billion of dollars in wildfires.
We recently stayed at a state campsite in Lake Placid where we had to buy our firewood from the host. DON'T EVER BUY YOUR FIREWOOD AT A SITE!! The wood you get is poor quality, treated, lumberyard leftovers. It wont burn unless you pile on stacks at a time and coat it in gas. Pointless.
A fire does not nee to be big. If built right it will retain a heat center and WILL re-ignite even after you douse it in water (I know. I've seen it and done it.)
The "American Way of Campfires" (dumping huge logs in a pile and dousing it in lighter fluid) gives you an impressive, really big, flamey fire; but its not very hot and it requires lots more big logs to maintain it.
A smaller fire (just two logs at a time), if built right, keeps a much higher temperature for a longer period and only requires you to turn the logs over when the flames start to die down.
A Fire From Scratch:
You can find everything you need to start a fire in the woods (Duh!)
Fire starter: Use tissue, dried moss or silver birch bark. All of these light very quickly.
Selection of sticks: Fallen branches in different sizes.
Smallest are twigs etc, around 4-6" long, followed by larger twigs and small branches, 6-8" long and 1/4" thick.
Larger branches, 6-10" long and 1/2" thick, and then finally logs, in a variety of sizes.
[NOTE: Whilst you forage for wood, keep your eyes open for a good 'pokey stick'. This will make your fire maintaining easier. A 'pokey stick' should be any length you please, about 1/2" thick, solid branch that is not too dried out and so therefore won't ignite in the flames when you are turning logs over or stoking the fire.]
You need to build it in layers, using the twigs and small branches, into a pyramid shape; but you must leave gaps so you are able to get to your fire starter to light it. Once lit, feed the fire with bigger branches,. When you have a nice flame, and you can see the center of the fire as burning hot embers, let the pyramid collapse and then add a small log to the side of the embers. When half the log is burning away, add a larger log in a cross on top. Turn a log a quarter when they are red hot to keep the heat and flame going. Add the next log only when one log is about to crumble into embers.
Example: Today i started a fire at 9:30AM using only what i had found the night before. After putting on TWO big logs, I left the fire alone all day, and at 4:30PM, it was still burning. It only required a few small sticks to get the flames back again. Yes. I rock.
Contrary to popular belief, even a stupid person can make a fire in the wild - just look at California, every year stupid people cost the state billion of dollars in wildfires.
We recently stayed at a state campsite in Lake Placid where we had to buy our firewood from the host. DON'T EVER BUY YOUR FIREWOOD AT A SITE!! The wood you get is poor quality, treated, lumberyard leftovers. It wont burn unless you pile on stacks at a time and coat it in gas. Pointless.
A fire does not nee to be big. If built right it will retain a heat center and WILL re-ignite even after you douse it in water (I know. I've seen it and done it.)
The "American Way of Campfires" (dumping huge logs in a pile and dousing it in lighter fluid) gives you an impressive, really big, flamey fire; but its not very hot and it requires lots more big logs to maintain it.
A smaller fire (just two logs at a time), if built right, keeps a much higher temperature for a longer period and only requires you to turn the logs over when the flames start to die down.
A Fire From Scratch:
You can find everything you need to start a fire in the woods (Duh!)
Fire starter: Use tissue, dried moss or silver birch bark. All of these light very quickly.
Selection of sticks: Fallen branches in different sizes.
Smallest are twigs etc, around 4-6" long, followed by larger twigs and small branches, 6-8" long and 1/4" thick.
Larger branches, 6-10" long and 1/2" thick, and then finally logs, in a variety of sizes.
[NOTE: Whilst you forage for wood, keep your eyes open for a good 'pokey stick'. This will make your fire maintaining easier. A 'pokey stick' should be any length you please, about 1/2" thick, solid branch that is not too dried out and so therefore won't ignite in the flames when you are turning logs over or stoking the fire.]
You need to build it in layers, using the twigs and small branches, into a pyramid shape; but you must leave gaps so you are able to get to your fire starter to light it. Once lit, feed the fire with bigger branches,. When you have a nice flame, and you can see the center of the fire as burning hot embers, let the pyramid collapse and then add a small log to the side of the embers. When half the log is burning away, add a larger log in a cross on top. Turn a log a quarter when they are red hot to keep the heat and flame going. Add the next log only when one log is about to crumble into embers.
Example: Today i started a fire at 9:30AM using only what i had found the night before. After putting on TWO big logs, I left the fire alone all day, and at 4:30PM, it was still burning. It only required a few small sticks to get the flames back again. Yes. I rock.
An Entertaining Story
If you'd like to read an interesting story about what happened to us at the Umpqua Hot Springs go to the archives on the righthand side of the page and click on 8/16 - 8/23. Or you can follow this link: http://alexandcandice.blogspot.com/2009/08/umpqua-hot-springs.html
American Lit Update
In order to keep ourselves entertained around the campfire I brought the American Anthology of American Literature Volume II (which is a leftover textbook from college). At night I've been opening up the book at random and reading whatever's there. This is what we have read so far:
Mark Twain
The Dandy and the Squatter: a story about a gentleman who tries to impress some ladies by making fun of a country man
The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County: a story about a man who likes to gamble on his frog
Kate Chopin
The Awakening: a story about a New Orleans society lady who becomes unhappy with her life and tries to change it
Kurt Vonnegut
Welcome to the Monkeyhouse: a story about a potential future american society where people take pills to paralize themselves from the waist down in order to decrease the population
We are in the middle of reading:
W E B Du Bois
The Souls Of Black Folks: a collection of essays about what it meant to be black at the turn of the 20th century
Mark Twain
The Dandy and the Squatter: a story about a gentleman who tries to impress some ladies by making fun of a country man
The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County: a story about a man who likes to gamble on his frog
Kate Chopin
The Awakening: a story about a New Orleans society lady who becomes unhappy with her life and tries to change it
Kurt Vonnegut
Welcome to the Monkeyhouse: a story about a potential future american society where people take pills to paralize themselves from the waist down in order to decrease the population
We are in the middle of reading:
W E B Du Bois
The Souls Of Black Folks: a collection of essays about what it meant to be black at the turn of the 20th century
Camp Characters
HATCHET: a spunky fellow, known to get excited and rip into things
STOVE: a very social guy, very hot, and likes heating up the pots
POTS: first class ladies just beyond their prime due to weeks of use
WATER JUGS: male lovers who keep to themselves
ORANGE: manly
PINK: bitchy
FIRE: a wise old man who's always present at night, sometimes in the morning
SWEEPER: a jovial little fellow who comes out every once in a while and cleans up everyone's mess
TENT: a sturdy matronly woman who shelters and protects the others
(more to be added soon)
STOVE: a very social guy, very hot, and likes heating up the pots
POTS: first class ladies just beyond their prime due to weeks of use
WATER JUGS: male lovers who keep to themselves
ORANGE: manly
PINK: bitchy
FIRE: a wise old man who's always present at night, sometimes in the morning
SWEEPER: a jovial little fellow who comes out every once in a while and cleans up everyone's mess
TENT: a sturdy matronly woman who shelters and protects the others
(more to be added soon)
Wilderness Flatbread Making 101
Introduction
Bread is cheap. When you can buy it you should because making bread takes a lot of time, and if you've never made it before it'll probably take a really long time. Having said that, there is something really rewarding about making bread in the wilderness. The first time I did it I felt really good because I knew that with very little I could make a sustaining food.
What do I need in order to make bread?
a stove or fire
a flat metal surface (I use a small 7 inch pan)
something to mix in (I use a 1 gallon pot that we have)
a stick (I just use a long tree branch)
2.5 cups of flour
1 cup of water
1 tsp of salt
If you have any spices you can add them to taste.
Now what do I do?
1. Put the flour, salt and other spices in your container. Mix them together. Make a depression in the middle of the container. You do this so that when you add the water it doesn't go everywhere. Be sure there is still flour at the bottom of your depression so that it can soak up the water.
2. Add about 1-2 Tbsp of water to the flour. Take a bit of flour from the outside edge of your container and put it over the water. The flour should soak up most of the water. Now, dig your fingers into the flour around where the damp flour is and pull up. This should mix up the water with the flour. Repeat this until you can press the pieces of flour together to make a ball of dough.
3. Knead the dough for 5 minutes.
4. Let the dough sit covered for 30 - 45 minutes. I'm not really sure why you do this, but I think it has to do with the water permeating the flour.
5. Split the dough into 8 smaller balls.
6. Now you need to flatten the balls. BE GENTLE; force doesn't work with bread. Start by gently pulling from the center of the ball. You should make a circle that is thin in the middle and thick on the edge. Now gently pull at the edges and the circle should expand. Keep going until you have a circle that is about 5 to 6 inches in diameter.
7. Put a little bit of oil on your metal surface. Fry the first side of the bread for 1 minute. Fry the second side for about 5 minutes or until there are little bubbles forming in the dough.
8. Now, put the bread on the end of your stick and hold it over the fire until its blackened a little bit.
Voila! You have bread!
Now what do I eat the bread with?
1. Cook up a meat or vegetable with some spices. Rip off a piece of bread and scoop up the meat with it.
2. For breakfast mash up some bananas with sugar (brown if possible) and brandy and put it on top of the bread to eat.
3. Make a sandwich with it.
4. (comment with any suggestions you have :)
Bread is cheap. When you can buy it you should because making bread takes a lot of time, and if you've never made it before it'll probably take a really long time. Having said that, there is something really rewarding about making bread in the wilderness. The first time I did it I felt really good because I knew that with very little I could make a sustaining food.
What do I need in order to make bread?
a stove or fire
a flat metal surface (I use a small 7 inch pan)
something to mix in (I use a 1 gallon pot that we have)
a stick (I just use a long tree branch)
2.5 cups of flour
1 cup of water
1 tsp of salt
If you have any spices you can add them to taste.
Now what do I do?
1. Put the flour, salt and other spices in your container. Mix them together. Make a depression in the middle of the container. You do this so that when you add the water it doesn't go everywhere. Be sure there is still flour at the bottom of your depression so that it can soak up the water.
2. Add about 1-2 Tbsp of water to the flour. Take a bit of flour from the outside edge of your container and put it over the water. The flour should soak up most of the water. Now, dig your fingers into the flour around where the damp flour is and pull up. This should mix up the water with the flour. Repeat this until you can press the pieces of flour together to make a ball of dough.
3. Knead the dough for 5 minutes.
4. Let the dough sit covered for 30 - 45 minutes. I'm not really sure why you do this, but I think it has to do with the water permeating the flour.
5. Split the dough into 8 smaller balls.
6. Now you need to flatten the balls. BE GENTLE; force doesn't work with bread. Start by gently pulling from the center of the ball. You should make a circle that is thin in the middle and thick on the edge. Now gently pull at the edges and the circle should expand. Keep going until you have a circle that is about 5 to 6 inches in diameter.
7. Put a little bit of oil on your metal surface. Fry the first side of the bread for 1 minute. Fry the second side for about 5 minutes or until there are little bubbles forming in the dough.
8. Now, put the bread on the end of your stick and hold it over the fire until its blackened a little bit.
Voila! You have bread!
Now what do I eat the bread with?
1. Cook up a meat or vegetable with some spices. Rip off a piece of bread and scoop up the meat with it.
2. For breakfast mash up some bananas with sugar (brown if possible) and brandy and put it on top of the bread to eat.
3. Make a sandwich with it.
4. (comment with any suggestions you have :)
Sep 9, 2009
"Alex"dote September 9
You know you're in hunting territory when there's a taxidermy shop every couple of miles.
Wilderness Bathing 101
Introduction
Sometimes you wake up in the morning and find that you're disgusting: your armpits stink, you hair has a funky odor and I don't even want to mention the inside of your pants. When you go outside you find that the only animals around you are flies. This is when, if you are going to be around anyone, it might be a good idea to clean yourself. But you're in the wilderness; there's no shower, no tub and you really don't want to submerge yourself in the freezing cold river/stream/lake.
Here's what you do
1. Wait until the warmest part of the day (about 1-2pm) and get a towel and some soap (Dr. Bronner's Magic Castile Soap is great; you can get it at Trader Joe's).
2. Go down to that cold river/stream/lake and take off all your clothes. First, make sure no one is around.
3. Step into the water; I know you thought you could avoid this but you can't.
4. Get your feet accustomed to the water's temperature, just surrender yourself to the cold- bathing will be much easier if you do this, if you can't it's okay just to everything as fast as possible.
5. Get your armpits and crotch wet, soap them, then rinse them off. Usually I stand there for a little bit and let those parts of my body warm up a bit before the next step.
6. Bend over and splash water onto your hair. Dunk your hair a few times to get the dirt and smell out of it. Squeeze the water out and repeat until it doesn't stink anymore.
7. Dry yourself off with your towel, put on your clothes, and if you are cold go into your sleeping bag and stay there until you're not cold anymore.
Side note:
Yes, I didn't tell you to soap your hair. This is because it's impractical to soap your hair in the wilderness. If you're going to be away from a shower for a long time stop shampooing and conditioning your hair at the beginning of your trip. Shampoo is meant to take moisture out of your hair and conditioner is meant to put it back in. If you stop doing this to your hair it will naturally balance itself and you will only need to use water to get the dirt out of it occasionally. Right now I've let my hair be for about a month, its a bit more oily than it was before (because it's trying to balance itself) but its much easier to manage. If you have long hair brush it daily or every other day and keep it in a braid- this keeps it from getting tangled and dirty.
p.s. I don't know why people decided shampooing and conditioning were good ideas.
Sometimes you wake up in the morning and find that you're disgusting: your armpits stink, you hair has a funky odor and I don't even want to mention the inside of your pants. When you go outside you find that the only animals around you are flies. This is when, if you are going to be around anyone, it might be a good idea to clean yourself. But you're in the wilderness; there's no shower, no tub and you really don't want to submerge yourself in the freezing cold river/stream/lake.
Here's what you do
1. Wait until the warmest part of the day (about 1-2pm) and get a towel and some soap (Dr. Bronner's Magic Castile Soap is great; you can get it at Trader Joe's).
2. Go down to that cold river/stream/lake and take off all your clothes. First, make sure no one is around.
3. Step into the water; I know you thought you could avoid this but you can't.
4. Get your feet accustomed to the water's temperature, just surrender yourself to the cold- bathing will be much easier if you do this, if you can't it's okay just to everything as fast as possible.
5. Get your armpits and crotch wet, soap them, then rinse them off. Usually I stand there for a little bit and let those parts of my body warm up a bit before the next step.
6. Bend over and splash water onto your hair. Dunk your hair a few times to get the dirt and smell out of it. Squeeze the water out and repeat until it doesn't stink anymore.
7. Dry yourself off with your towel, put on your clothes, and if you are cold go into your sleeping bag and stay there until you're not cold anymore.
Side note:
Yes, I didn't tell you to soap your hair. This is because it's impractical to soap your hair in the wilderness. If you're going to be away from a shower for a long time stop shampooing and conditioning your hair at the beginning of your trip. Shampoo is meant to take moisture out of your hair and conditioner is meant to put it back in. If you stop doing this to your hair it will naturally balance itself and you will only need to use water to get the dirt out of it occasionally. Right now I've let my hair be for about a month, its a bit more oily than it was before (because it's trying to balance itself) but its much easier to manage. If you have long hair brush it daily or every other day and keep it in a braid- this keeps it from getting tangled and dirty.
p.s. I don't know why people decided shampooing and conditioning were good ideas.
Wilderness Laundry 101
Introduction
Wear as few clothes as you can and wait as long as possible to do laundry.
If you're out in the wilderness you don't tend to stink as much as you do in the city, so you can wear the same pants for a few weeks (army pants are best) and shirts for 3 to 4 days before they're a little too gross.
Once you do laundry for the first time in the wilderness you'll understand why you want to wait as long as possible; it's a lot of work and takes a good part of an afternoon.
Where to wash?
Ideally you want to wash in swiftly running water this usually means finding a small creek or stream. The reason finding running water is important is that it gets grime and soap out of the clothes for you. If you wash in standing water like a lake or a large riverbed no matter how hard you work, your clothes just won't be as clean.
What do I need in order to wash?
Technically all you need is the clothes. If you have soap (Trader Joe's laundry detergent is best for the environment), bring that along to get rid of stains. Also, if you have some kind of medium to large container bring that too (today I used our cooler).
Now what do I do?
1. Find a part of the bank that is hard and dry. If you do it on a wet part, your feet will get soaked and you want to avoid getting your feet/socks/shoes wet, especially if it's cold.
If you don't have a container skip to: 6
2. Dip your empty container in the water so that it fills about halfway. If you can't fill it that far its okay, you'll just have to do smaller loads. You only want the container halfway full because it decreases the amount of water that ends up on you while you're washing.
If you don't have soap skip to: 8
3. The amount of soap that you put in the water is a tricky thing. You want enough to get the dirt out of your clothes, but not too much because it will take a long time to rinse it out. You should put enough in so that if you swish the water around with your hand for about 15 seconds you get a few bubbles on the top of the water.
4. Now that you've swished the water stirring the soap into it pick up some clothes and put them into the container. Make sure that there is at least a half inch of water covering the clothes when they're submerged; if the clothes are really dirty leave more room.
5. Push the clothes into the bottom of the container and pull them back out. Repeat until the water turns brown.
6. Take one garment out of the container (or bag if you don't have a container). Check it for stains. If there are stains put a small amount of soap and water on the stain and scrub it. Clothes that usually need extra attention are: the crotches of underwear, the bottoms of pants, the armpits of shirts, the chests of women's shirts.
7. Squeeze as much water out of the garment as you can. It is best to do this because you end up with less soap to wash out.
8. Hold on tight to the garment so that you don't lose it in the water! Put it into the stream for a few seconds (hold shirts and pants from their bottoms, they don't stretch as bad this way). Pull it out and squeeze the water out. Do this until the soap is out of the garment or if you're not using soap until the garment looks clean enough.
9. Set the clothes out to dry. If you can, put a clothesline up between two trees near where you are washing or near your camp. If you can't do this, lay the clothes out on rocks. If your clothes have stretched out in washing, lay them out in the right shape so that they dry correctly. Don't put the clothes in a bag and wait to hang them, they'll get mildewy.
10. Drink a beer! You've just done a lot of work.
Cautions!
1. Don't use bleach, Tide or any detergent that is bad for the environment.
2. Don't dump dirty soapy water back into the water. This is bad for the stream, dump the water at least 20 feet away.
3. Don't wash clothes in oceans or seas: the salt will irritate your skin.
Wear as few clothes as you can and wait as long as possible to do laundry.
If you're out in the wilderness you don't tend to stink as much as you do in the city, so you can wear the same pants for a few weeks (army pants are best) and shirts for 3 to 4 days before they're a little too gross.
Once you do laundry for the first time in the wilderness you'll understand why you want to wait as long as possible; it's a lot of work and takes a good part of an afternoon.
Where to wash?
Ideally you want to wash in swiftly running water this usually means finding a small creek or stream. The reason finding running water is important is that it gets grime and soap out of the clothes for you. If you wash in standing water like a lake or a large riverbed no matter how hard you work, your clothes just won't be as clean.
What do I need in order to wash?
Technically all you need is the clothes. If you have soap (Trader Joe's laundry detergent is best for the environment), bring that along to get rid of stains. Also, if you have some kind of medium to large container bring that too (today I used our cooler).
Now what do I do?
1. Find a part of the bank that is hard and dry. If you do it on a wet part, your feet will get soaked and you want to avoid getting your feet/socks/shoes wet, especially if it's cold.
If you don't have a container skip to: 6
2. Dip your empty container in the water so that it fills about halfway. If you can't fill it that far its okay, you'll just have to do smaller loads. You only want the container halfway full because it decreases the amount of water that ends up on you while you're washing.
If you don't have soap skip to: 8
3. The amount of soap that you put in the water is a tricky thing. You want enough to get the dirt out of your clothes, but not too much because it will take a long time to rinse it out. You should put enough in so that if you swish the water around with your hand for about 15 seconds you get a few bubbles on the top of the water.
4. Now that you've swished the water stirring the soap into it pick up some clothes and put them into the container. Make sure that there is at least a half inch of water covering the clothes when they're submerged; if the clothes are really dirty leave more room.
5. Push the clothes into the bottom of the container and pull them back out. Repeat until the water turns brown.
6. Take one garment out of the container (or bag if you don't have a container). Check it for stains. If there are stains put a small amount of soap and water on the stain and scrub it. Clothes that usually need extra attention are: the crotches of underwear, the bottoms of pants, the armpits of shirts, the chests of women's shirts.
7. Squeeze as much water out of the garment as you can. It is best to do this because you end up with less soap to wash out.
8. Hold on tight to the garment so that you don't lose it in the water! Put it into the stream for a few seconds (hold shirts and pants from their bottoms, they don't stretch as bad this way). Pull it out and squeeze the water out. Do this until the soap is out of the garment or if you're not using soap until the garment looks clean enough.
9. Set the clothes out to dry. If you can, put a clothesline up between two trees near where you are washing or near your camp. If you can't do this, lay the clothes out on rocks. If your clothes have stretched out in washing, lay them out in the right shape so that they dry correctly. Don't put the clothes in a bag and wait to hang them, they'll get mildewy.
10. Drink a beer! You've just done a lot of work.
Cautions!
1. Don't use bleach, Tide or any detergent that is bad for the environment.
2. Don't dump dirty soapy water back into the water. This is bad for the stream, dump the water at least 20 feet away.
3. Don't wash clothes in oceans or seas: the salt will irritate your skin.
Sep 8, 2009
Again with the Moving!
Yesterday morning we planned to go to Glacier to take a hike to three waterfalls. It started to rain so we decided to stay in the tent for a bit and drink coffee. At about 10:00 AM a forest service lady came by the tent and told us that we needed to be out of the campsite by the next morning at 9:00 AM because they were going to do repairs.
So we packed up everything and looked at the map and tried to figure out where to go next. We thought about going east, but there was nothing really out there so we decided to go south to a group of lakes near Missoula.
We camped at Lake Placid State Park, which was extraordinarily expensive: $15 for the site, $4 for the firewood, and $10 for Alex and I to shower (we really needed to shower).
The next day we packed up everything again, by this time we're both getting pretty snippy at each other for little stupid things. We get to Missoula and go to a bar where I write this in my journal: "We have been on the road for five days. We're tired and snapping at each other. We have $105 left without dipping into our reserves. We don't know what to do. We need to make some money."
We drink a Stella each and scour the internet for any work that might be in Missoula. We decide that since Missoula is a college town and all the kids are coming back to school that there probably won't be much work for us here. We decide to go to Helena.
On the way to Helena Alex and I get into a huge fight over nothing and I pull over at a rest stop, get out of the car and walk to a big tree on the other side of the grass. I look at the sky and calm down and return to the car where I ask Alex, "Why are we getting so mad at each other?"
Being standoffish he says, "I don't know." Then he looks at me and starts to smile and I start to smile and we both crack up laughing. We give each other hugs and I start up the car and continue on the Helena.
We drive past Helena to a campsite 24 miles to the East. Here we have set up camp and plan to stay for about 14 days, the most allowed by the Forest Service. The site is free for us since we have an annual pass. Halfway between the campsite and Helena is a small town and around it are a lot of small ranches and farms. The town has a bar and we plan to go there tomorrow to say hi and see if anyone needs help getting ready for winter. I'll let you know how it goes :)
So we packed up everything and looked at the map and tried to figure out where to go next. We thought about going east, but there was nothing really out there so we decided to go south to a group of lakes near Missoula.
We camped at Lake Placid State Park, which was extraordinarily expensive: $15 for the site, $4 for the firewood, and $10 for Alex and I to shower (we really needed to shower).
The next day we packed up everything again, by this time we're both getting pretty snippy at each other for little stupid things. We get to Missoula and go to a bar where I write this in my journal: "We have been on the road for five days. We're tired and snapping at each other. We have $105 left without dipping into our reserves. We don't know what to do. We need to make some money."
We drink a Stella each and scour the internet for any work that might be in Missoula. We decide that since Missoula is a college town and all the kids are coming back to school that there probably won't be much work for us here. We decide to go to Helena.
On the way to Helena Alex and I get into a huge fight over nothing and I pull over at a rest stop, get out of the car and walk to a big tree on the other side of the grass. I look at the sky and calm down and return to the car where I ask Alex, "Why are we getting so mad at each other?"
Being standoffish he says, "I don't know." Then he looks at me and starts to smile and I start to smile and we both crack up laughing. We give each other hugs and I start up the car and continue on the Helena.
We drive past Helena to a campsite 24 miles to the East. Here we have set up camp and plan to stay for about 14 days, the most allowed by the Forest Service. The site is free for us since we have an annual pass. Halfway between the campsite and Helena is a small town and around it are a lot of small ranches and farms. The town has a bar and we plan to go there tomorrow to say hi and see if anyone needs help getting ready for winter. I'll let you know how it goes :)
Sep 5, 2009
"Alex"dote: Pine Cone Alarm Clock
7:30 am.
THWACK! woke me up.
THWACK...! and again... and again...
"What IS that?" Candice asks.
"Someone is throwing things at the tent," I answer.
THWACK!
I sit up, "If it happens again, I'm going out there."
THWACK!
"Right," I put on my pants and boots, "I'm gonna go out there."
I prepare myself for the cold morning air.
THWACK!
Outside, I look around and, dotted all over the floor surrounding the tent are pine cones.
THWACK!
Another one flies down with force from the tree above the tent. I look up to see a small brownish black squirrel. He laughs.
Yep. He actually laughed.
{Note: To give you an idea of what that sounds like, imagine the love child of R2-D2 and a clacker. It sounds just like that. Weird.]
THWACK!
Another pine cone.
I grab my hatchet and hit the tree really hard. This freaks out the funny little fucker enough for
him to call it a day, and he starts to scurry down the tree trunk.
Me being me, I'm not about to let this go, and so stand at the bottom of the tree, axe in hand, waiting for breakfast.
He sees me, stops dead, and then runs across a branch and jumps into the next tree. i follow along the ground. He jumps again. I follow.
A game of cat and mouse, squirrel and man style ensues until he eventually finds a way to a tree that i can't follow, proceeding to sit there and laugh.
I make us a brew and get back into the tent to recount the story to Candice whilst we snuggle to keep warm. We then had to listen to the squirrels scurrying around, trying to get laid in the early morning light. Lovely.
THWACK! woke me up.
THWACK...! and again... and again...
"What IS that?" Candice asks.
"Someone is throwing things at the tent," I answer.
THWACK!
I sit up, "If it happens again, I'm going out there."
THWACK!
"Right," I put on my pants and boots, "I'm gonna go out there."
I prepare myself for the cold morning air.
THWACK!
Outside, I look around and, dotted all over the floor surrounding the tent are pine cones.
THWACK!
Another one flies down with force from the tree above the tent. I look up to see a small brownish black squirrel. He laughs.
Yep. He actually laughed.
{Note: To give you an idea of what that sounds like, imagine the love child of R2-D2 and a clacker. It sounds just like that. Weird.]
THWACK!
Another pine cone.
I grab my hatchet and hit the tree really hard. This freaks out the funny little fucker enough for
him to call it a day, and he starts to scurry down the tree trunk.
Me being me, I'm not about to let this go, and so stand at the bottom of the tree, axe in hand, waiting for breakfast.
He sees me, stops dead, and then runs across a branch and jumps into the next tree. i follow along the ground. He jumps again. I follow.
A game of cat and mouse, squirrel and man style ensues until he eventually finds a way to a tree that i can't follow, proceeding to sit there and laugh.
I make us a brew and get back into the tent to recount the story to Candice whilst we snuggle to keep warm. We then had to listen to the squirrels scurrying around, trying to get laid in the early morning light. Lovely.
From Washington to Glacier
On the morning of the 23rd day of our trip we wake up in Idaho to a squirrel chucking pine cones at our tent. It's 30 degrees outside so Alex waits for a few more to hit before he goes to attack the squirrel. When he gets back to the tent he's freezing and I'm freezing so we do the best thing you can do in a tent to get it warm.
I fall asleep again and Alex goes out into the cold.
When I get out of the tent Alex asks, "So, what's for breakfast?"
"I thought you already ate."
"Well I did, but I'm still hungry. Aren't you hungry?"
"Not really but if you're hungry I'll make something for you."
"We'll if you're not gonna eat don't worry about it."
I feel bad that he's hungry to I make aggs, bacon and fried bread for both of us. After we eat Alex says, "See I tricked you!"
"Tricked me?"
"Into eating" he says grinning.
I scowl,"Sneaky man."
"You'll be happy you did. You should eat breakfast you know."
"Why? I'm not hungry in the morning."
"Because it's the most important meal of the day; it gives you the energy to drive and pack up camp and set it up again."
"True, true crazy man. True true." I am secretly glad that he made me eat.
We pack up everything for the third day in a row and head East toward Montana. We pass the small town of Murray whose claim to fame is that a great prostitute moved there about 150 years ago, you can read about it in the book Soiled Doves. Somewhere in the mountains Idaho fades into Montana and we drop down into a huge valley with a huge river. The rock in the mountains juts up at a 40 degree angle.
We keep driving and as the landscape changes from mountains to plains, we come to the town of Crazy Horse Plains. There Alex takes over the wheel. We head north from Plains into an Indian reservation, you could guess it to be one since it's about the shittiest piece of land around. We stop in the town of Hot Springs thinking we might be able to take a bath. No such luck; Hot Springs is full of trailers, broken houses, and broken cars. We stop at the community pool and see very large women and a multitude of babies. We hightail it out of there and as we go i see a man as old as the hills watch us from his broken porch. I wonder how many years he's been sitting on that porch watching strangers pass in and out.
An hour later we're in Whitefish, the hometown of a guy we met in Crater Lake. We go to the Bulldog Bar which he told us to check out. We get 2 PBRs for $2 each. There are football games on TV, Montana just won a game 38 to 0. People are coming in and out, getting beers, eating fries and burgers and hot dogs. The huge beer fridge is covered in bumper stickers from around the area: I like Dick (an auto repair guy), You can eat our cocks (a chicken farm), plus there are a bunch of Bulldog stickers (the high school mascot). We decide to splurge and buy a basket of french fries for $2 and eat them with ketchup and mustard. They're about the best french fries I've ever had.
After beers and fries we try to find a campsite on Whitefish Lake but have no luck. We check the map and decide to go to Hungry Horse Reservoir because it's closer to Glacier and it looks like there's disbursed camping there. As we're passing back through Whitefish we stop at the bowling alley (one of the only places that sells "takeout" liquor) and buy a bottle of Montana Gold Whiskey for $12.00.
By the time we find a campsite at the reservoir its getting dark and cold. After Alex sets up the tent and while I'm making dinner and he's chopping firewood it starts to rain. We go in the tent and put towels along the edge of the tent to help keep the water out. We eat and I pass out to the pitter patter of rain on the tent. . .
Only to be woken up by AKON, NICKLEBACK and COUNTRY RADIO being blared by a family camping down the hill from us. I try to ignore it and sleep off and on until they turn it off at 4:30 in the morning.
I fall asleep again and Alex goes out into the cold.
When I get out of the tent Alex asks, "So, what's for breakfast?"
"I thought you already ate."
"Well I did, but I'm still hungry. Aren't you hungry?"
"Not really but if you're hungry I'll make something for you."
"We'll if you're not gonna eat don't worry about it."
I feel bad that he's hungry to I make aggs, bacon and fried bread for both of us. After we eat Alex says, "See I tricked you!"
"Tricked me?"
"Into eating" he says grinning.
I scowl,"Sneaky man."
"You'll be happy you did. You should eat breakfast you know."
"Why? I'm not hungry in the morning."
"Because it's the most important meal of the day; it gives you the energy to drive and pack up camp and set it up again."
"True, true crazy man. True true." I am secretly glad that he made me eat.
We pack up everything for the third day in a row and head East toward Montana. We pass the small town of Murray whose claim to fame is that a great prostitute moved there about 150 years ago, you can read about it in the book Soiled Doves. Somewhere in the mountains Idaho fades into Montana and we drop down into a huge valley with a huge river. The rock in the mountains juts up at a 40 degree angle.
We keep driving and as the landscape changes from mountains to plains, we come to the town of Crazy Horse Plains. There Alex takes over the wheel. We head north from Plains into an Indian reservation, you could guess it to be one since it's about the shittiest piece of land around. We stop in the town of Hot Springs thinking we might be able to take a bath. No such luck; Hot Springs is full of trailers, broken houses, and broken cars. We stop at the community pool and see very large women and a multitude of babies. We hightail it out of there and as we go i see a man as old as the hills watch us from his broken porch. I wonder how many years he's been sitting on that porch watching strangers pass in and out.
An hour later we're in Whitefish, the hometown of a guy we met in Crater Lake. We go to the Bulldog Bar which he told us to check out. We get 2 PBRs for $2 each. There are football games on TV, Montana just won a game 38 to 0. People are coming in and out, getting beers, eating fries and burgers and hot dogs. The huge beer fridge is covered in bumper stickers from around the area: I like Dick (an auto repair guy), You can eat our cocks (a chicken farm), plus there are a bunch of Bulldog stickers (the high school mascot). We decide to splurge and buy a basket of french fries for $2 and eat them with ketchup and mustard. They're about the best french fries I've ever had.
After beers and fries we try to find a campsite on Whitefish Lake but have no luck. We check the map and decide to go to Hungry Horse Reservoir because it's closer to Glacier and it looks like there's disbursed camping there. As we're passing back through Whitefish we stop at the bowling alley (one of the only places that sells "takeout" liquor) and buy a bottle of Montana Gold Whiskey for $12.00.
By the time we find a campsite at the reservoir its getting dark and cold. After Alex sets up the tent and while I'm making dinner and he's chopping firewood it starts to rain. We go in the tent and put towels along the edge of the tent to help keep the water out. We eat and I pass out to the pitter patter of rain on the tent. . .
Only to be woken up by AKON, NICKLEBACK and COUNTRY RADIO being blared by a family camping down the hill from us. I try to ignore it and sleep off and on until they turn it off at 4:30 in the morning.
Sep 1, 2009
"Alex"dote: Candice-isms
Candice turns round in her seat to the hamster in the footwell behind her, "Pebble, we're at the Columbia River Gorge! It's a bigillion hamsters wide!"
Later she says, "Today I thought I was going to stay in Oregon, but instead I get to go into a new state...! ...And, it's only gonna cost 75 cents to go across the Bridge Of Gods!"
[Note: In fact the old man at the forestry information desk hadn't travelled across the bridge in quite a while..., it ended up costing a dollar!]
Later she says, "Today I thought I was going to stay in Oregon, but instead I get to go into a new state...! ...And, it's only gonna cost 75 cents to go across the Bridge Of Gods!"
[Note: In fact the old man at the forestry information desk hadn't travelled across the bridge in quite a while..., it ended up costing a dollar!]
Aug 31, 2009
"Alex"dote: Traveling Writers and Photographers
Whilst I'm driving through the forest to Bagby Springs, on a one way road way too fast, Candice turns to me and says, "We're writers and photographers!"
"Traveling writers and photographers," I add.
"I always wanted to be a traveling writer!" she grins.
"And I always wanted to be a traveling photographer. Worked out nicely then, didn't it?!"
"Traveling writers and photographers," I add.
"I always wanted to be a traveling writer!" she grins.
"And I always wanted to be a traveling photographer. Worked out nicely then, didn't it?!"
Bagby Hot Springs
On the second day we were at Umpqua Hot Springs, the naked teacher told us about some great hot springs in Northern Oregon; "The hot springs 're in tubs that they're carved outta Redwood trees" he said, "they're called Bagby Hot Springs".
While waiting for money to come through in Oregon we remembered these springs, "Why don't we go there tomorrow? That'll take a day" Alex says to me. Excited to go to a new place I say, "That sounds awesome!"
In the morning we leave our tent and its contents behind us and head southwest of Mt. Hood to Bagby. Alex is a the wheel, which means we're going pretty fast and I'm freaking out when we get close to the edge of the road which drops 200 feet down. Somewhere we make a wrong turn and the blue dot on our iPhone GPS starts wandering south into a vast green area. We decide to keep going figuring we'll meet up with a road that goes the direction we want to go.
We hear gunshots. We see hunters standing next to a truck with a map. The road winds down a mountain and we see spelunkers wearing harnesses and hardhats with lights. They're eating sandwiches. "I bet these mountains are full of caves," I say.
"Yeah," says Alex, "I'd love to live here and explore these mountains. There's gotta be so much out here."
We come to a road that goes the right direction. After a few miles we see a sign for Bagby and turn left onto the road. It goes through the bottom of a canyon along a clear river. A guy in a red pickup points us up a road to the springs.
At the parking lot we park, pack some beer, sandwiches and water and start the hike to the springs. We go through a Redwood Forest, the small trees are covered in moss so that they look like little haunting christmas trees. The path links up to a river, "We've gotta go down there on the way back" Alex says.
We cross over the river on a one-person-wide bridge. Then we go over a hill and see the hot springs buildings. They're all made of redwood. One building has little private rooms with a tub and bench in each. There's also an open area where a naked middle-aged man is relaxing and reading a book. We decide to go back to the private room.
The tub is already full. We pop two beers and sit in the tub reading the things people've carved and written on the walls:
- If the balance of dharma is disturbed, the world will loose its peace.
- We had a treesome.
- Dave and Hannah did drugs here. (in other writing) So did Bob and Sue.
- This is a bad day.
- Everything is changing, nothing stays the same, we keep moving, where do we go?
After soaking for awhile I start to clean myself. I remember that I stole a stone from the Pumice Desert in Southern Oregon; I get it out of my bag and use it to slough off dead skin and dirt from me and Alex.
After we're clean, the tub is disgusting so we pull out the huge redwood stopper and drain the tub. Then we let in the hot spring water which is steaming hot. I go outside naked and fill a bucket with cool water from the stream. I lug back 4 bucketfuls, Alex does 3 and I rinse my hair in the last one before we put it in.
After another hour of relaxation the sun is getting low and we need to be going back. I jump in the river for a minute on the hike back and Alex explores its banks. We leave the hot springs clean, relaxed and ready to move on from Mt. Hood.
While waiting for money to come through in Oregon we remembered these springs, "Why don't we go there tomorrow? That'll take a day" Alex says to me. Excited to go to a new place I say, "That sounds awesome!"
In the morning we leave our tent and its contents behind us and head southwest of Mt. Hood to Bagby. Alex is a the wheel, which means we're going pretty fast and I'm freaking out when we get close to the edge of the road which drops 200 feet down. Somewhere we make a wrong turn and the blue dot on our iPhone GPS starts wandering south into a vast green area. We decide to keep going figuring we'll meet up with a road that goes the direction we want to go.
We hear gunshots. We see hunters standing next to a truck with a map. The road winds down a mountain and we see spelunkers wearing harnesses and hardhats with lights. They're eating sandwiches. "I bet these mountains are full of caves," I say.
"Yeah," says Alex, "I'd love to live here and explore these mountains. There's gotta be so much out here."
We come to a road that goes the right direction. After a few miles we see a sign for Bagby and turn left onto the road. It goes through the bottom of a canyon along a clear river. A guy in a red pickup points us up a road to the springs.
At the parking lot we park, pack some beer, sandwiches and water and start the hike to the springs. We go through a Redwood Forest, the small trees are covered in moss so that they look like little haunting christmas trees. The path links up to a river, "We've gotta go down there on the way back" Alex says.
We cross over the river on a one-person-wide bridge. Then we go over a hill and see the hot springs buildings. They're all made of redwood. One building has little private rooms with a tub and bench in each. There's also an open area where a naked middle-aged man is relaxing and reading a book. We decide to go back to the private room.
The tub is already full. We pop two beers and sit in the tub reading the things people've carved and written on the walls:
- If the balance of dharma is disturbed, the world will loose its peace.
- We had a treesome.
- Dave and Hannah did drugs here. (in other writing) So did Bob and Sue.
- This is a bad day.
- Everything is changing, nothing stays the same, we keep moving, where do we go?
After soaking for awhile I start to clean myself. I remember that I stole a stone from the Pumice Desert in Southern Oregon; I get it out of my bag and use it to slough off dead skin and dirt from me and Alex.
After we're clean, the tub is disgusting so we pull out the huge redwood stopper and drain the tub. Then we let in the hot spring water which is steaming hot. I go outside naked and fill a bucket with cool water from the stream. I lug back 4 bucketfuls, Alex does 3 and I rinse my hair in the last one before we put it in.
After another hour of relaxation the sun is getting low and we need to be going back. I jump in the river for a minute on the hike back and Alex explores its banks. We leave the hot springs clean, relaxed and ready to move on from Mt. Hood.
Aug 30, 2009
Back To Basics
Last night Alex and I had a very interesting conversation about society. We brought up some points that I thought I'd share with you.
We are living about the simplest life possible right now. The only things we need to worry about are having a place to sleep, water to drink, food to eat, being warm enough and having enough money to get us to the next place on the map. Rarely do we worry about anything because we prepare well.
Drama was a problem for us before. We don't have any other people to worry about now, which cuts down on the drama in our lives drastically. Alex can tell whether people are going to invite drama into his life and successfully avoids those people. I can't do that and always end up in the middle of other people's drama trying to mediate. This is one of the many reasons I like being with Alex, I can avoid drama.
We don't have any jobs; to many this means that we are the lowest of the low. After traveling for three weeks, I realize that I am much happier doing what I love than making money in the city. Although I don't have a job, I have a purpose for this part of my life which is to figure out what to do with the next part of my life while enjoying myself along the way.
During our conversation we talked about what life was like in San Francisco. I had an apartment in SF because I wanted to live there. In order to live in SF I had to work a job in a company that I didn't like so that I could pay for the apartment. Then, on the weekends and after work I would spend money on things to distract me from the company that I didn't like. It's a cycle of spending money to make yourself feel good. You travel 45 minutes to work so you buy yourself a coffee because it makes you feel better on the way. You go to work and after you get a drink or 2 because that makes you feel better after work. On the weekend you pay for gas so that you can get out of the city because the people are annoying you. You buy drugs to distract you from the people and the place too and end up not knowing why you're unhappy.
I don't know if this is something that was unique to me, but I don't think it is. I know plenty of women who go shopping to make themselves "feel better". Plenty of people who go to bars after work to "wind down". Plenty of people who feel the need to "escape".
During this conversation we came up with an interesting idea. We want to buy a piece of land, somewhere near a river in a forest. On that land we want to build a small, sustainable house. The house will be four rooms, with room for expansion: a living room with a fireplace/ a nook and kitchenette, a bedroom and a bathroom. On the roof will be solar panels to run our computer, recharge our phones and our cameras, etc. Outside will be a porch, a garden in which we will grow our food and herbs, a cistern and an outdoor kitchen. Eventually we'll have a study with bookshelves covering the walls and a jacuzzi outside made from rocks found in the area.
From there, we can write, photograph, take tours, even start up a hotel or hostel based around sustainability. We'd welcome anyone who wanted to help us out, give them space to set up a tent and feed them. There would be very little money to spend and most importantly, we'd be doing something that's totally interesting for both of us. We'll call it the Back to Basics Social Experiment.
We are living about the simplest life possible right now. The only things we need to worry about are having a place to sleep, water to drink, food to eat, being warm enough and having enough money to get us to the next place on the map. Rarely do we worry about anything because we prepare well.
Drama was a problem for us before. We don't have any other people to worry about now, which cuts down on the drama in our lives drastically. Alex can tell whether people are going to invite drama into his life and successfully avoids those people. I can't do that and always end up in the middle of other people's drama trying to mediate. This is one of the many reasons I like being with Alex, I can avoid drama.
We don't have any jobs; to many this means that we are the lowest of the low. After traveling for three weeks, I realize that I am much happier doing what I love than making money in the city. Although I don't have a job, I have a purpose for this part of my life which is to figure out what to do with the next part of my life while enjoying myself along the way.
During our conversation we talked about what life was like in San Francisco. I had an apartment in SF because I wanted to live there. In order to live in SF I had to work a job in a company that I didn't like so that I could pay for the apartment. Then, on the weekends and after work I would spend money on things to distract me from the company that I didn't like. It's a cycle of spending money to make yourself feel good. You travel 45 minutes to work so you buy yourself a coffee because it makes you feel better on the way. You go to work and after you get a drink or 2 because that makes you feel better after work. On the weekend you pay for gas so that you can get out of the city because the people are annoying you. You buy drugs to distract you from the people and the place too and end up not knowing why you're unhappy.
I don't know if this is something that was unique to me, but I don't think it is. I know plenty of women who go shopping to make themselves "feel better". Plenty of people who go to bars after work to "wind down". Plenty of people who feel the need to "escape".
During this conversation we came up with an interesting idea. We want to buy a piece of land, somewhere near a river in a forest. On that land we want to build a small, sustainable house. The house will be four rooms, with room for expansion: a living room with a fireplace/ a nook and kitchenette, a bedroom and a bathroom. On the roof will be solar panels to run our computer, recharge our phones and our cameras, etc. Outside will be a porch, a garden in which we will grow our food and herbs, a cistern and an outdoor kitchen. Eventually we'll have a study with bookshelves covering the walls and a jacuzzi outside made from rocks found in the area.
From there, we can write, photograph, take tours, even start up a hotel or hostel based around sustainability. We'd welcome anyone who wanted to help us out, give them space to set up a tent and feed them. There would be very little money to spend and most importantly, we'd be doing something that's totally interesting for both of us. We'll call it the Back to Basics Social Experiment.
Aug 28, 2009
"Alex"dote part 2: Hole in the leg
I write this in a small, yet uncomfortable amount of pain. We arrived back, after the "fun" of Portland, and Candice started to write in the tent while I obtained our firewood for the night.
So there i am, dressed in army cargos, a black vest and my gloves, hacking away at a fallen tree with my hatchet.
"You're so sexy!" Candice calls out from the tent.
"Fanx!" i reply with a grin, my muscles bulging in the evening light.
I stamp on the log I'm cutting, it breaks and spins through the air and connects with my right shin.
"OW!" I grunt, and hit the floor.
"Oh my God!" Candice comes running over to me, "Did you cut yourself?"
"No, I'm fine." I nonchalantly pull up my pant leg, "Yep. I did."
I look down, wipe away the blood and see a hole in my leg, right through to the bone.
Ooops. Oh well.
I strap it up, we smoke a joint and set about having dinner: Gumbo soup, fried bread and beer. Lovely end to an "interesting" day.
So there i am, dressed in army cargos, a black vest and my gloves, hacking away at a fallen tree with my hatchet.
"You're so sexy!" Candice calls out from the tent.
"Fanx!" i reply with a grin, my muscles bulging in the evening light.
I stamp on the log I'm cutting, it breaks and spins through the air and connects with my right shin.
"OW!" I grunt, and hit the floor.
"Oh my God!" Candice comes running over to me, "Did you cut yourself?"
"No, I'm fine." I nonchalantly pull up my pant leg, "Yep. I did."
I look down, wipe away the blood and see a hole in my leg, right through to the bone.
Ooops. Oh well.
I strap it up, we smoke a joint and set about having dinner: Gumbo soup, fried bread and beer. Lovely end to an "interesting" day.
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